With regard my homeless friend who is out there with his gorgeous dog, Alarm bells have been ringing for a long time. But I chose to ignore my instinct and tried to believe him. I ignored how small his pupils were. I ignored how he was nodding out..he said he was tired from other meds. I let him dismiss the strangely looped piece of string I found in his pocket when I was washing all his clothes.. I let him tell me lie after lie.
Throughout November he had a Facebook fundraiser going to raise money for a deposit. I was hugely instrumental in getting him donations by sharing this with my friends and on local pages constantly, saying what a lovely guy he is. We raised £652.
The Facebook fundraiser page seemed to indicate that these funds would be instantly available to him, but he has been telling me ever since that they have messed up and haven’t given him the money. The same way he tells me his benefit money keeps getting messed up.
He promised me that he would no way touch that £652 (of which I donated £50 and my parents donated £100). I’ve been searching relentlessly for a place for him on the basis that the £652 for a deposit still exists.
So.. Yesterday he texted that he was trying to sort out some mess but couldn’t tell me what. My trust for him has been getting less and less, so yesterday I took it upon myself to message Facebook and ask why he had not received the money. I texted and told him I had done this.
Finally today he confessed that in the last week he has suddenly relapsed and used heroin and the money has all gone.
I’m devastated, angry, pissed off.. Whatever you want to call it. I feel like a mug. And I don’t for one minute believe he didn’t shoot up until this last week. Looking back, my instinct knew all along but refused to believe it.
Between my parents and I we are £400 worse off, but fuck that. Worst of all I have been lied to and taken for a mug. I have been influential in getting people I know and also complete strangers to part with their hard earned cash. To me, it is theft because they gave that money based on a lie and to be put towards a particular use.
I do of course understand that his addiction is an illness, and that the person is controlled by the drug. I’m very torn now, because I don’t want to abandon him or not still be a friend /moral support to him. But I can no longer search for a home because he doesn’t have a deposit. And I am not going to part with anymore money. We were even offering to be his guarantor, but absolutely no chance of that now.
I think he has been a terrible fool to do this. Most homeless people don’t get that kind of money raised nor do they have the support around that he has had. And yet he has abused it all.