The Time Bomb of Fertility

The ticking time bomb within me seems louder at the moment. I recently turned 37, and keep hearing in the media how fertility drops after 36.

I always thought things would be different. I thought I would be settled with a loving partner and that we would make babies together. I thought things would work out. 

My mum has never made any secret of how much it saddens her to not have grandchildren. She feels envious when other people talk about theirs, and I feel so guilty for not giving that. It seems to me unlikely that I ever will. I have endometriosis which makes it harder to conceive anyway. It also seems unlikely that I will ever fall in love.. Which is what I wanted all my life above all things. Children or no children, a loving companion, soulmate.. That is what I craved.

I think this subject is particularly on my mind now because of dad’s illness. He would be an amazing grandfather. I’d love to see him playing with my child. I’d love him to be able to walk me down the aisle. 

I get that plenty of people can’t have children. I know I have to accept whatever happens in life.. But it seems more painful to not give my parents grandchildren. Life is one big ball of pain really ain’t it! 

Author: halfthegirlblog

Poet, storyteller, songwriter, photographer, artist, lonely dreamer, despairing believer in God. I am trying to rebuild my life after some bad times and mental health issues.

2 thoughts on “The Time Bomb of Fertility”

  1. I’m just any of your age and feel like I’ve missed the boat. I wanted to be a parent so badly, although clearly my mum didn’t care if I had children or not. I’m completely infertile anyway. My only route would be adoption or to enter into a relationship with a single parent.

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    1. Hug. Adoption is something I’d think about if I were in a position to be able to look after myself properly and provide for a child. To give a loving home to someone would be amazing. I do wonder if there is an age limit for being eligible to adopt.. as 40 is looming ever closer šŸ˜•

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