I lie here listening to my dad vomiting in a bucket in the room next door. There is nothing I can do, he wants to be left alone. Most likely we will end up back in hospital either tomorrow or over the weekend, because he is unable to drink water let alone eat anything.. and he ends up getting dehydrated. I am guessing this will be our routine every week for the next 6 months, although he has one week off between each 4 week cycle of chemo.
I want to apologise that my writing is almost always melancholy. I didn’t know what this blog would be when I started it just over a year ago.. I hoped it would be a way of reaching out and sharing my poems etc, but recent times it has mostly been about our journey with Dad’s illness.
I have made one friend through this medium.. someone really special. We talk on the phone for hours and in a few weeks she will be visiting the uk, so we will get to meet. I’m really excited but also nervous. I will need to brave going out to meet her, but I really want to do it. I hope that she will like me in person.. I can be quite awkward. I feel I have made a friend for life and I am really lucky.
Did our online shopping order today. I made lamb stew yesterday, and Dad loved it so much(chemo tablets were this morning) I am going to make it again next week. I do all our shopping online, and because I do all the cooking I get free use of Dad’s credit card (oops) 😉 I may have added caramel chocolate on there.. and sweet chilli nuts.
Yesterday sucked a lot. I bloody hate valentines day. I am happy for those who are loved-up.. but God it is painful for those who long for love but are alone. And to be 37 having never.. not once.. had a meal or flowers or anything at all for that day. Few could understand the loneliness I have endured my entire life. I’ve lacked friendship and love. Yes I am lucky to have had my parents.. but actually a parents job is to raise you and set you free into the world to make your own life. And things have never been perfect even within the family, especially when I was a little girl. I have not made my own life and I am a disappointment as a daughter as well as everything else.
Had to end on a negative note, didn’t I ! Back to something good.. here’s looking forward to my friend’s visit.
Love and peace to you all, thank you for taking time to read my nonsense.