I am

I am, I exist, I wake up every day
I’m lost in the mist of my own lonely way
I’ve tried many times
Reached as far as I could
Drawn north and then south
Between bad and then good

I had to pretend it would all be ok
To live in a world where I am just a stray
I’ve cried many times
I am broken inside
Born lonely my heart
In the darkness I hide

These Skin and Bones – poem

I could write a million poems
Crafted carefully of words so old
Speak softly in the voice God gave
But still my truth would not be told

Some things we simply can’t convey
That dwell within our heart and soul
Pushed in this world, alone we bow
With endless longing to be whole

I heard her say that happiness
Is waking joyful to exist
Oh love – the only key to this
My eyes are shut when I am kissed

We’re people made of candle wax
Though light I shine is wasted here
I long to just be noticed too
I dance around but hide in fear

Let’s sing a pretty song to end
Sad notes and painful undertones
Hope someday through the mist of time
You’ll understand these skin and bones

Tonight – SoundCloud

I have shared this before. I am going to get a new keyboard, I have had my current one for 20 years! This is one of the last songs written on the old keyboard..

Listen to Tonight by Estia #np on #SoundCloud

The Journey

The train left without me, I’m not sure where it was headed exactly.. but it seemed to be where everyone else wanted to go, so I tried to get on board. It was just too full and I couldn’t fit in. I found myself battered, bruised and thrown back out.

So there I stood confused amongst the dust that rose in its wake, abandoned on the empty platform as the train sped away. I stared briefly before composing myself and dusting myself down. That was when I could see that my destiny was to walk a slow and lonely journey without fellow travellers.

It dawned on me that although my way would be different from theirs – less certain and often quite exhausting – it may be that I was the lucky one. I would have time to see things of beauty that would whizz past their windows. I would be able to spare time to stop and help other lone travellers, and perhaps hear their unique stories. I would have time to love in a different way. And as I set off on my journey, I realised that my baggage would only hinder me, so I threw it away and travelled empty handed.. stripped back down to how I once had arrived. FREE

Disconnect poem

Is there common ground
That we have found?
I’m yearning to belong
We’re breathing
We are hurting
But the pain you hide
Somehow I know inside

Not a day goes by
That I don’t die
Another part of me
I’m losing
I am stranded
Won’t you walk with me
And find out what might be

Life is simply there
No-one can share
The path you have to take
We crave more
Real connection
I’ve been searching years
An ocean made of tears

On this boat i drift
I cannot shift
My body will not move
I’m lifeless
I am foolish
That I chose the knife
Instead of living life

Read the message in
The rusty tin
I’m begging you to see
You are beauty
And alive
In ways most never are
I’ll love you from afar

Forevermore

And Life.. (poem)

It has been an utter waste
As with food I cannot taste
All I have is nothingness
All I am.. No more, no less
A mass of cells
A cow with bells
Take her to market
Hope she sells
Lay down the carpet
Pop the cork
Feast on this banquet
With a fork
And knife
Look.. see
He has his wife

Home alone and shut the door
Lying heaped upon the floor
All I have is alcohol
All I crave is to be whole
A silly fool
Lies in a pool
Of tears and no-one
Hears her call
Open the window
Show yourself
Put on a good show
Cheers to health
And life
Look.. See
She has no life